Mirrored Eclipse
by Tala1
Summary: Collection of Saiyuki oneshots.Second up, NiiKami. Until the end of his life, Kamisama was a puppet. In his final moments, he at last understands affection from the one he existed for. Saiyuki Reload ending, slightly rewritten
1. Teasing Shadow

A/N: Okay folks. This is possibly the WEIRDEST thing I've ever written. It's going to be like…weird. It just is. And as far as I'm concerned it is unique. I have YET to see a sudden rise in any villain fics as of yet. Mad at the fanfic world. I bring… Teasing Shadow…

(**Just kidding…)**

It's just everyone writes about the Sanzo Ikkou and Kougaiji but Kami and Ukoku and Nii, Koumyou, even **Hwan** are like…ignored (being supporting cast i guess i should expect it...). So I thought id brighten my day with one :D If you understand it. I applaud you! Because personally i didnt think i did a very good job with...how this was presented...But thats just me. Drac yelled at me saying it was fine. So, read on!

Disclaimer: Don't own anything lalala I don't own Saiyuki and all that entails.

Pairing: Ukoku/Nii (Yes. You READ that correctly.)

Rating: T (I'm still trying to get used to the new ratings…)

* * *

Saiyuki

Teasing Shadow

"Nii-hakase…?"

Hwan stood partway up from her chair when the man in question dropped the disc he had been holding, fingers suspended in mid air. He was shaking profusely, but from what, Hwan had no idea. "Hakase…?" The female questioned again, careful not to drop the vial she held in her fingers when she walked to the professor's side, leaning past his shoulder. What unusual behavior. "Are you all right?" Clipboard clutched in one hand, and vial in the other, she had no way of touching him save for a very faint brush from her sleeve.

Without warning Nii stood up, knocking the woman back and sending the vial flying to shatter on the tiles. "Don't touch me!"

He didn't shout, but to Hwan's astonished ears he might as well have. Nii _never _raised his voice. Nii **never **looked anything but calm and happy. But this… Hwan moved back with a shocked look etched across her face. Her glasses slipped down, but she took no notice.

The ruckus the two were causing caught the attention of the normally quiet figure typing at the computer. He hummed, taking a swerving glance to the two, but otherwise, didn't raise any question, deciding it was better to not get involved. But still—Nii losing it. That was new, and **not** something he wanted to see in his lifetime. "Has he lost his marbles early?"

"Nii-hakase..."

"**Shut up.**"

Hwan clambered to her feet, placing a hand on Nii's shoulder as he swayed unexpectedly, grasping the end of the table and looking positively frightened. His eyes were widening, quite out of character with his normal lazy know-it-all look. "Perhaps you need to rest…" she soothed. Of course she hated Nii to the bottom of her guts, but he was an important person in their work. And this kind of …questionable action was enough to make anyone concerned. "You've worked yourself too hard…take a break…"

Hwan shook her head when there was no response. And when she tugged the man back, he responded in such an alarming sense that she found herself afraid of him.

"I said…**DON'T TOUCH ME!**" Nii shook, pen slipping from his hands. The palms raised shakily up to the side of his head, clutching at raven-black locks with a look of madness in his eyes. His chest heaved up and down, eyes slowly squeezing shut, and he shuddered before wordlessly shoving Hwan out of the way and immediately made for the exit.

The rabbit, for once, left behind.

Hwan stared as the door slammed shut and rubbed her shoulder. The doctor hadn't just **shoved** her; he had dug his fingers---and _nails _into her labcoat, which had pierced right past layers of fabric and into her skin. Muttering a few choice words under her breath, she wandered over to the sitting bunny and picked it up. What was so great about it?

She stared.

Beady black eyes stared back.

It winked.

"I think I've been working too much…" she admitted disdainfully.

Turning away to go back to her own work, she paused, looking out of the corner of her eye to see something glinting on the previously occupied desk. "Hmm?" Tucking the toy bunny under her arm, she took a closer look at what had caught her eye. Reaching out she carefully plucked the empty glass from the clutter, blinking in surprise.

Then followed the trail of purple splotches along the desk, and the smudged fingerprints.

* * *

**Dark…**

_**Mocking…**_

Nii ran his palm along the walls of the interior of the castle. The walls themselves seemed to churn, twisting and turning around and around in his wavering vision, until the scientist couldn't determine if he was standing on the floor, the walls, or the ceiling. His knees buckled underneath him, and, breathing hard, he took it as a sign to stop.

**Cold…**

_**Sinister…**_

His free hand fisted in his hair, nails digging into the scalp to force back the wave of dizziness and headache, using the sharp pain as a distraction. After resting for a few minutes, he was acutely aware that his vision was going blurrier, his head beginning to pound. Stumbling to his feet and moving once again, he groaned, making it to his room after several slips, slides and near-collapses. Unlocking the door, he slipped inside, kicking it shut and stumbling to his bed.

**Lonely…**

_**Familiar…**_

Squinting, he plucked his glasses off, allowing his eyes to adjust and regain (blurry) vision, then tossed them to the side, not caring where they landed in his resident mountain of stuffed animals. Tripping on his last step, he fell ungracefully onto the bed with a moan of discomfort. '_Why…do I feel so heavy? Everything…hazy…Bunny-san…?_' He groped blindly for the familiar touch, the comforting fuzzy outline of the special toy. But nothing of the sort was found, only the rumpled bedsheet underneath him.

**What do you feel, Nii Jien'i? **

_**Evil…**_

Nii turned over, curling up. The headache was worsening. Everything in his vision was just a hazy mess of colors. Perhaps the experimental chemical he was working on had…spilt? No, he'd been extra-careful with it. There was no way it could have…

Or…could it?

**Come and play…play with me…the Raven of Omega.**

_**Playful…**_

'_Dimmer…everything…vanishing…why…?'_

Head dropping to the side, and body going limp, Nii's form stilled, the only sign of life being the rise and fall of his chest in shallow breaths.

**Omega awaits.**

_**Where…?**_

* * *

Nii wasn't sure if it had been a minute, an hour, or a day, but his eyes were suddenly open and he was aware once again. Groaning, he brought a hand to his face, confused by the familiar weight and touch of glasses. Hadn't he…? The headache had ceased. The world didn't spin. But then, how could it when it was a void of inky black? 

"What the…?" Nii was not a man that liked to be the toy; he had always seen himself as a god, using people and manipulating their movements to fit his own agenda. And this was definitely not anything he had predicted in any part of his life. This time there was no bunny to bring confidence, or to talk to. He slowly sat upright, disturbed by his hand touching the black void. No solid surface underneath it, yet supporting him, unlike water...

"**I see you're finally up. Took you long enough.**"

Nii snapped to attention.

"**What? Not used to voices talking to you? Like that rabbit of yours..."**

The voice rebounded off the darkness, echoing those chill and mocking words. He gripped the ends of his lab coat anxiously, looked back and forth, and risked a few turns around, but there was nothing. Nothing that could explain the sudden voice.

'_A mind game…_'

A sudden smile came to his lips. He relaxed, leaning back and welcoming the change. It was a bit disturbing but, then, what _wasn't, _in his life?

"I'm used to everything talking to me. Doesn't surprise me anymore. Not even a void with an echoing voice. I think the rabbit took the cake." Hwan had smacked him on several occasions, just because he did something inappropriate with his favorite bunny plush. Really, when he had tried to talk to a plant (in the case of Bunny-san going missing, hmm.) his resident female bio-engineer had grabbed it and turfed it off the top floor of the castle.

It hadn't _quite_ survived the landing.

The voice erupted into a disembodied chuckle. "**Rabbit takes the cake, hmm? How quaint. Just what I would expect from you. Surely that isn't all?**" Nii tilted his head in thought. Taking another look around, suddenly mildly interested.

"It would help to know what you are aiming for. Asking spontaneous questions and receiving random answers isn't very interesting." He responded in a bland tone, mind reeling in the information that took longer than usual to pick at. He knew this type of game. He'd played with Kami-sama, with Kougaiji, with everyone. It was _his _game.

And what better way to play it then to play against yourself?

"**I see you figured it out. I guess this means it won't be very interesting from this point, now, would it? What a shame…I was going to let you off easy, too.**" The voice drifted off on the last word, and along with it, the entire black void. Rippling like water until colors began to piece themselves together, one by one. Nii climbed to his feet, craning his neck to one side.

The sky appeared first, inky nothingness melting to the unseen floor and replaced with lighter shades of gray and bright pinprick splotches of yellow. Nii guessed, after a moment of thought, that they were stars, and when the moon surfaced gibbous and bright, he knew he had been right. The ground was next, the rippling below completely washed out of existence before shaping itself into pale tile flooring, regularly patterned.

A _very_ familiar pattern.

Then the walls were built, the doors sliding out of them, then the outside balcony; all perfectly reconstructed, just like…

"Chou-An…"

But that was impossible, wasn't it?

The scientist's face took on a more serious look when the building had been completed, and another shape winked into existence. Smiling warmly, holding a smoking pipe in his fingertips. Eyes curved up happily. Oblivious to the world…

"Koumyou…Sanzo…?"

"Na, Ukoku-san. Won't you join me? The stars...they're beautiful aren't they?" The lips moved, the voice spoke, but held no life within it. And yet, Nii was foolish enough to believe it and moved toward the figure. Koumyou was dead. He had assassinated him with the help of monsters. He had seen to that. He had…

"Something wrong, Ukoku?" There was a brief pause, in which Koumyou lowered the pipe. "You seem bothered tonight."

Nii, for a moment, **wanted** to believe what his eyes were showing him. He **wanted** to think this was a reality, but it wasn't, no matter how good an imitation it was. But… **but**… He swallowed a response, instead raising his hand to one of the many walls, guiding callused fingers along the smooth stone. Every detail. He remembered it like it was yesterday…

"Ukoku…is something the matter? You've been awfully quiet today. But then again, I suppose you always have been, haven't you?" Koumyou patted the spot next to him on the balcony, and only then did Nii realize that the door was wide open. Cold air suddenly licked at his clothing, blowing it back. "Come and sit, Ukoku."

**_Ukoku_**…**_Ukoku_**…**_Ukoku_**…

Nii closed his eyes. '_My name, thirteen years ago. A failed Sanzo…iie, not even…proclaimed a Sanzo, but never accepted._' He re-opened his eyes. Deciding not to ask just yet, he padded over to the monk, sitting carefully down as he reached the edge.

"Is something the matter? You look a little pale," The brown haired Sanzo asked, concern leaking into his tone. "If you need anything…"

Refusing to open his mouth and speak to the ghost—no, image beside him, Nii continued to sit in silence, dropping his face into one of his palms. None of this added up. This was not real...then why did everything _feel _real? Nii lifted his head in surprise when arms wound around him, bringing him closer to the elder monk. "You look cold, Ukoku. It would be terrible if you caught an illness out here..."

'_That look…Koumyou…_'

"Cat got your tongue tonight, old friend?"

"…" Dark eyes glanced down at the silken sleeves draped around him. He could feel the warmth; feel the body next to his, smell the usually foul scent of pipe-smoke and burning incense. He shook his head wordlessly. "Koumyou…" He started, looking slightly to the side; checking for a response. And he received one. A smile and tilt of a head, always a sure sign that Koumyou was listening.

Koumyou had always listened to him…

He was the only one he had ever been able to trust...

And he…

Koumyou took a long pull on his pipe, breathing out the smoke in a long misty sigh before draping one arm over his knee. The other arm that had moved Nii closer removed itself and lay flat against the wooden surface beneath them. "What is it? You're always welcome to speak your mind, Ukoku." The gaze, the tone, the body language, all balanced, offering only a gentle support.

And it was quite possibly the only thing that Nii still longed for. To be understood, to be accepted as he was. Shakily Nii reached out, watching Koumyou's face change when he grasped Koumyou's shoulder tightly, expecting it to be an illusion, to disappear and melt away into ashes. To fall and turn into a pile of bones and skeletons. But it remained. A reality or a dream? He couldn't decide.

"**Koumyou.**"

"Aaa…? You're acting more strange than usual, my friend. Has the incense finally gotten to you as well?"

"Koumyou, you…you…you…"

All the bio engineer received was a blank, confused look. "Have I done something wrong?" Koumyou inquired gently, glancing down at the pipe.

"No…no…" The thirty-five year old shook his head. "No. You haven't done anything wrong, you've…" His gaze fell back down, defeated...noticing, perhaps for the first time, what he was wearing. '_A lab coat…?_' His brow furrowed slightly, before he glanced back accusingly at the figure beside him. His next words were venomous, no longer carrying the trance, the forced belief of the illusion's existence. "Koumyou is dead. You're dead. Your death was not by my hands, but an assassination ordered by me."

In an instant Nii truly felt a deep disturbance. He shivered unconsciously, hairs standing up on the back of his neck. He stared at Koumyou, watching the other male turn to him, features twisting into something that **definitely **was not Koumyou. "You're not even Koumyou…you're that voice from before, aren't you?" Before he could rise to his feet and take a proper defensive position, Koumyou—the voice--had suddenly moved forward with incredible agility, knocking him over and pinning him to the chilly floor.

And for a second Nii couldn't breathe, eyes transfixed on the face that was no longer Koumyou, no longer even **resembled **the gentle man he had cared so much for. Instead there were twin ebony orbs staring back at him. Eyes, filled with a crazed madness. Dark locks draped over them, no longer covering the face like the previous blonde's had, instead haphazard on all sides and falling down the back in a controlled fall of black.

"**Have you looked at yourself lately, Nii Jien'i?**"

Nii stared, unblinking, mouth open to respond, but unable to utter anything coherent. Nothing could have prepared him for this. Was such a thing even possible? How could… "U-Ukoku….?" The figure upon him, dressed in Sanzo robes, Muten Kyoumon draped over his shoulders, leaned forward, lips just barely brushing against Nii's.

"**Are you scared of saying our old name? You stuttered…**" The form chuckled, tightening his grip on Nii's arms. "**In fact…I was sure you would fall for that illusion. You were eating it up, right out of my hand. Are you really that naïve?**" Ukoku mocked. A grin manifest on his face at the clueless look on Nii's. Deciding it was better to explain, Ukoku loosened his hold, yanking the scientist up like a weightless rag doll.

"**Have you even wondered where you are? Think about it. Where else could this happen? A shape so real...I'm surprised you never even considered it to be an old memory. It was, after all, word for word. From that monk's own mouth. For shame, Nii.**" Ukoku shook his head sadly, looking almost disappointed.

"But you…" Nii hung ontowhatever was left of his mental sense. "You're me! You can't be me. Two cannot exist." He reached for logic, grasped at straws.

The other Nii, the past Nii, laughed. "**Of course not. But you messed up on the potion and now your mind has split, so to speak. I've always existed, just in your memories. But thanks to that new experimented chemical...we are now two different people.**" Ukoku dug his fingers into Nii's arm, expression turning curious.

"**But I wonder…how good is your mental capability? You're good at manipulating…but how good are you when being the one manipulated?**" The figure shimmered, body changing in all aspects. Revealing a familiar blonde haired male in Ukoku's place. Nii's eyes widened, the pain in his arm dulling in the face of this new development.

'_Kami-sama…_'

"Sensei…" The voice carried throughout the room, a small hand slipping around Nii's form and a pale gold head burying itself in his chest. The raven-haired man sat, shell-shocked, as the room changed to that of the manor he had left the blonde in. To play a game. And to keep playing, and playing until he lost. And he had…the return jogged his memories.

"Sensei… I missed you! What game shall we play next?"

Nii stared at the eyes of the child whose mind had never grown to match his body. How was…could the mind hold such an incredible power to bend everything? Reality meant nothing; imagination ruled all in this place.

'_What am I saying? Reality is everything…this is not reality. No matter how much I yearn for it…_'

A hand touched his cheek, laying a warm palm against it and stopping Nii's train of thought abruptly. "Sensei, will you play with me?" Guilt drove Nii on. Kami's death hadn't been something he'd accepted easily, no matter how casually he'd taken it. It had taken him days to get over it, just like Koumyou. Not necessarily his fault, but all the same…

He was torn. To believe, or not to believe? Ukoku had….Ukoku…

_**Ukoku?**_

_**Who?**_

Nii found it quite alarming when his body began to move of it own accord, and he reached out, taking one of Kami's hands in his. It was one way he had calmed the child long ago, soothing him to stop the tears. And this wouldn't be so bad, except it wasn't he who had acted. It wasn't his body moving. It wasn't...

…it was almost like…

_**A puppet…**_

"Of course, Kami." The beads draped over the blonde's body began to shift and twirl, twining around and around him, snakelike in fashion. "I'll play whatever game you wish…"

The blonde's smile widened to unnatural proportions, growing colder and more knowing than the usual happy daft look that accompanied those words. The beads lifted over his head with a hushed rattle.

And through it all Nii stood, unable to move. Unable to blink. Unable to perform any action whatsoever, save for breathing.

"We'll play my game, Sensei. It's called atonement…"

_**Manipulation…**_

The beads lifted up, all at once, disconnecting from each other like a spray of blood-drops. The red glowing orbs formed a circle around Nii, then spun together, making a ring, a deadly blurring ring. And without warning Kami raised his weapon, the priest's toy turned deadly tool, pointing it forward. In response, one bead shot forward at speed that only a god could have dodged, slicing into Nii's arm.

_**I've…**_

Another one whizzed past, marking its path above his ankle. Blood spurted from the injury. As two went forward, another two came. Nii stood like a helpless doll, able to feel everything. And it ached, it ached like nothing he had felt before. It was the first taste of physical pain he'd had in years. He gasped as a bead shot into his chest, embedding itself in muscle and bone. "K…K…Ka..m…."

The blonde tossed his hair playfully, throwing the object he held in his hand up and down, watching the blood bath with silent satisfaction. He smiled, Ukoku smiled, as the hail of beads ripped and tore through Nii's body. Shattering bones, lodging in the most painful places. And through it all, the screams of agony, ringing like music in his ears.

_**Been…**_

Ukoku stepped forward, dropping the illusion of his own dead student, kicking the bloodied toys aside. His right hand raised and waved in a circular pattern. The beads moved forward, mimicking the gesture, wrapping around and around before tightening and allowing the scientist to fall in a motionless, bound heap

_**Manipulated…**_

Able to reclaim his body and senses, Nii struggled to breathe and see past the hazy crimson cloud. He could taste blood rising in his throat, dripping down his chin, flowing from every wound on his body into the spreading puddle on the floor. His vision blurred when he tried to focus, and he uttered a hiss when a foot dug painfully into his side. "**Defeated already? That was quick.**" Ukoku knelt, placing a hand under Nii's chin to raise his face painfully up. Nii tried, he **really** did try to form words. But like everything else, his voice had been shot to hell.

"**And I have you right where I want you, too.**" Hands traveled down from chin to the shoulder and to the side, observing the twitches and flinches the other made upon contact. He grinned in a way only the truly sadistic could, before undoing the tie and slipping the lab coat off, beads shimmering into nothingness. "**And I will have such fun with you…**" The man purred, leaning his head down to capture Nii's lips. And if one looked closely enough…

A single tear slid down Nii's face.

**Did you have fun with me, the Raven of Omega?**

Black eyes glittered.

**What do you fear?**

**

* * *

**  
"NII-HAKASE!"

Nii groaned and shifted, feeling the pain diminish, until it was as though it had never existed. The horrible knots and complications from earlier disappeared, leaving only the throbbing from his wounds. And someone, he winced to notice, was hitting him with a rather heavy object. He craned his neck, hearing an ugly-sounding crack.

"NII—Nii?" Hwan blinked when the doctor finally moved. Relief flooded through her. "You're awake. It only took you an hour! Don't you sleep?"

Nii cringed at the voice, raising a shaky hand to his head. Migraine. He had the **biggest** migraine **ever**. And he never got them. Not like this. He usually gave _others _migraines. "Hai, ha...ha...i." He clutched at his throat, managing a few words and a jumbled mass of wheezing sounds. Hwan's face took on a look of concern. This was totally unlike Nii.

"I'll be right back with some water. What if Gyokumen-sama found you lazing around all day! Being disorganized!" With an angry huff, she stormed to the door and out of the room, allowing Nii to be alone with his thoughts.

Nii swallowed, lifting himself up gingerly from the bed. He felt his face. No glasses. His hands traveled down, touching the many spots he felt the beads connect. Nothing. No imprints, no marks, no…nothing. He touched his neck, running it over the small bump, the one sign that what he had just gone through had been real--well as real as one could get.

'_My mind…I was in my mind…the chemical split it in two with the wrong ingredients added. And...Koumyou…Kami..._' He felt a sudden pang of pain and a wave of despair start to well up. Face turning sorrowful, he reached up, clutching his shoulder. For once, he knew that even if Bunny-san had been with him, it wouldn't have helped. He'd been outsmarted by **himself**. He had been used as a puppet by **himself**.

The echoes of those last words continued in his mind. The one thing he could remember clearly, even past the throbbing in his skull.

**What do you fear? What do you fear? What do you fear? What do you fear?**

And Nii Jien'i had an answer.

'_I fear myself…_'

* * *

A/N: After working on this for 8 hours from about 8-2:37 in the morning. I was REALLY running out of ideas. And if you see spelling mistakes it is a spoon and the fork flew over the moon -yawn- R&R please! I'd love feedback on my first Saiyuki fanfic! (Yes I have seen all of Saiyuki…) And thank you Drac for beta'ing. My appreciation goes out to you! 

_Drac: My job as beta is done...I have prevailed... -waves, bows, passes out cold on her nice soft fuzzy carpet-_


	2. Shattering Doll

A/N: I felt depressed at one time so this came into light. Hope you enjoy this wierd one too

Disclaimer: Don't own Saiyuki or the characters blah blah blah…

Pairing: Nii/Kami

Rating: T

_**Note: **This is kind of like the episode and manga, but at the same time not. Because my friend was so unsatisfied (Nii being the heartless man he is…) I decided to do my own version. And glancing at my episode once for reference. This is mostly out of my head…_

_Spoiler Last Episode of Reloaded. _

_

* * *

_

Saiyuki

Shattering Doll

The building shook itself down, within and without; doors collapsing, thick walls crumbling to their cores.

Sheer courage and a mild touch of incomprehension allowed the prone form, sprawled out on the floor, to stare on as his haven destroyed itself. He licked his lips, confirming with the salt taste of blood that he was still alive. Still able to feel the soft stabs of pain from the wound on his lip, never mind the burning in his chest that hampered his breath and made his heartbeat stutter.

His dimming gaze drifted around the room. The vibrations underneath him confirmed that everything was falling apart. Everything that his sensei had given to him… ruined. Half of him cried in despair, the child that hadn't quite grown up remorseful over the loss of everything valuable and dear. All the toys… those endless nights… the memories. Half of him cried out in strained relief. The part of him that comprehended all of it wept, realizing that it had been freed.

And yet, both sides wanted the same thing.

"Sensei…" The young being murmured, swallowing back his own blood. "Sensei…" he called out, gentle and unshaken despite the effort to breathe, to move, to _continue to live_. He heard no reply but the pebbles hitting the floor and continuous rumbling in his ears, keeping him in the knowledge of what was happening.

Fingers clawed against the ground, groping blindly for the soft security of a toy, any toy. It didn't necessarily have to be a bunny to remind him of that certain special plaything, which, in turn, reminded him of the only person he had ever believed in. Trusted. Done _anything _for. Even if it meant the end of everything, and of himself.

He was prepared. He understood. He did…

…Didn't he?

"_I neither love nor care for you. I feel nothing for you--that way, I cannot hurt you. Understand?"_

Yes. His mouth moved but no words came out. Yes, he understood. That had been why he'd believed his sensei in the first place; followed him and done everything the other man had wished. Because he couldn't be hurt by him; at least not like he had been in the past. And yet, he devoted everything to him, willingly choosing a life of little meaning.

"Sensei…please…" He pleaded. He pleaded to the darkness that ate at his vision. He pleaded to the darkness that hissed at the light filtering through the glass, kept at bay by the obscurity of good that it held. There was a sudden moment when the childish blonde felt his sanity, always questionable, vanishing into cold hysteria. The gunshot wounds now seemed only a figment of his imagination. Nothing mattered to him. His life was nothing. All he wanted…all he wanted…

_Sensei…_

"Kami?" There was a faint chuckle, almost lost in the increasing rumbling.

Kami-sama turned his head, a whimper passing through numbed lips. His dimmed eyes suddenly filled with a fresh spark of hope, a renewed will to keep on living. The fingers that clawed at the ground for comfort eased in their frantic movements, allowing weariness and pain to drag them down and still.

"You're still alive, ne?" The voice calmly spoke.

Kami's cheek touched the ground as he used what energy was left to him to move, reality coming back in a heavy rush, forcing the young being to come to terms with the physical world and the way it dragged at his limbs. And yet…he tried to move again anyway, managing to turn over onto his stomach, clutching at the ground as pain spasmed sharply through his side and chest.

"Sensei…" he murmured once more. "I…" He suddenly grinned--there was no more time left for lies, none for delusions or endless mind games. This was it. "I lost..." His tone seemed nonchalant and playful as ever, the effect lost as he took the next moment to breathe in, trembling with the effort.

He could, faintly, imagine the disappointment from his sensei.

Instead of something dark and cruel, there was only lightly mocking laughter, the sound reaching the flaking corners of the room. Even the shadows seemed to ripple at the sound. "It seems that way…"

Shoes moved into Kami-sama's vision, that soft voice reaching the blonde's ears like an arrow to a target. For a long minute, there were only the sounds of the manor's continuing destruction.

"Sensei…"

"Hmmm?"

"I…." The man-child paused. He rolled over once more onto his back, tilting his head back just enough to see the familiar lab coat, smell the familiar smell of the cigarette caught between his lips. The familiar unkempt raven hair. The glasses that hid madenning black eyes behind their mirrored gleam. It was all there, just like he remembered. It had been so long ago…so…so…long ago…

The only thing missing was the presence of the familiar white blob with ears that had always by his sensei's side. A grim smile took hold of his face as he continued forcing out words, slowly growing sorrowful. "I...Am I…going to die?" he asked.

"Hmmm…" The dark haired man considered it, eyes skimming over the pitiful form at his feet before he brought up an arm, shifting a long white sleeve upwards and eyeing his watch for far longer than he needed to, as if to add insult to mortal injury. "Well…I'd say you have thirty minutes, tops. Maa…" Again the voice carried, and for a moment Kami shivered. "That is, unless the building doesn't collapse first." There was no change from his usual tone. Always so placid, sneering at the world beneath that veneer of politeness.

He neither loved nor hated him, still.

Kami dug his nails into the ground once more, voice cracking, "I… I just wanted to b…be like you, sensei…. but I...failed…" The shaking receded and the hands relaxed, falling flat against the surface, into the crimson puddle slowly growing beneath him. "I knew…" Kami's eyes closed partway, trying to block out the tears of pain and anguish that he could feel burning behind his eyes.

'That all the things you gave me...were just...just…things you didn't need anymore…" His vision blurred, no mental wall strong enough to hold back such emotions. There was movement in his line of vision, but he passed it off as another piece of falling debris. "That I…." Another pause. He'd paused for that second to consider his words in his head.

"I…was just one of your toys too…" The end of the sentence came out as a hushed whisper. He was ashamed--ashamed he couldn't have been more then a toy, more useful to his sensei, to the only one he would listen to, would listen to him if only for the novelty. To the one that had rescued him as a child from a life of servitude as a prostitute. To the one known as Nii Jien'i. Kami coughed violently, squeezing his eyes shut, trying to ignore the blood trickling further down his chin. Staining the robes…

Robes that were given to him.

"Just one of my toys, hmm?" The blonde could feel the faint brush of something warm against both cheeks, helping to keep him awake. It comforted him, like an angel's touch, if he had ever believed in angels. The youth forced his eyes open weakly, registering a cigarette-free face over his, fogging mind only now concluding that he had been moved without realizing it. "If that were so, you would have been part of that mountain of toys. Isn't that right?"

Gray eyes gazed to the hand near his right cheek. Was this…

_Affection? At long last?_

With a will-steadied hand he reached out, grasping the edge of Nii's sleeve between his fingers and confirming that this was all very real. And that he was going to die. The wounds too, were real. Everything. Even the castle shaking into pieces. "Hai…" he responded, leaning into the touch with a contented sigh, his head drooping further onto Nii's lap as a result. "Demo…" He clutched the fabric tighter, suddenly feeling like the shy child he'd been before. Begging on the streets, tugging at white robes. Begging to be offered something more…

"But what?" Black eyes stared down when Kami opened his eyes, meeting the gaze of the one he'd wished he had been able to be of more use to. "You did your part. Now I'm only doing mine…" There was a growing smile on Nii's face, spreading along the young-old features. The raven-haired man took the moment to gently ease Kami further up, not minding the stains that were sure to result from the crimson liquid.

Kami thought, for a second, that perhaps this was death, and he had somehow made it to Heaven.

"Doing…y...yours…?"

Fingers pressed gently against his lips, running down to the jaw and tracing the line of it gently, Gathering up the flowing blood on his fingers and wiping it away.

"You…do-don't need to..sen…sei…I'm…just a toy…" The tears began to fall, mixing into the crimson stains on his face. His grip went slack, whatever force that had sustaining it used up, like the rest of him. Thoughts lingered in his brain: Useless. Weak. Pathetic. Loser. Toy. Worthless. He sniffled.

It was true, wasn't it? He had lost in the game; failed to do what his sensei had asked of him. Wasn't death what he deserved, for that?

The figure holding him sighed. There was no gloating, no mocking, no gratifying crow, no sense of achievement, no…nothing that resembled happiness. A hand moved away from the blonde's cheek, taking hold of his chin delicately and turning dim eyes toward him, observing as though he had never seen those familiar features before. "True. You are a toy. But you're **_my_** toy." With those words, he was finally able to see something spark behind his disciple's eyes.

"Yours…?"

"Aa. Mine." His fingers spread along the blonde's neck, thumb brushing against the flesh before falling away as Kami renewed his desperate grip, this time on his shirt, pulling himself up, slender form doing its best to burrow into his chest as tears streamed down his face.

This action though, only brought confusion to Nii. "Something wrong?" Lazy black eyes regarded the trembling blonde critically, one hand rising and lightly rubbing at the blonde's back. Trying to soothe the broken mess.

Broken **_toy_**.

"Sensei! I…I…I don't…I don't want to die! Sensei…" Fingers clutched at Nii's shirt like a lifeline, the shaking form breaking down into uncontrollable sobs. "I don't want…I don't want to…I don't…I'm scared, sensei…sensei…" Kami repeated the name several times, it never lost its meaning, but blended into a heartrending broken noise as his speech slurred. "I don' want to…I don't…"

Nii looked up, pausing in his soothing gestures to stare up at the ceiling, which cracked and sagged ominously. It looked like…thirty minutes was coming close…much to close for comfort. "Maa…maa…" he tilted Kami's chin back up, brushing the tears away with his thumb. "Death isn't all that bad…" Once again Nii wiped away blood that dripped down the sides of Kami's mouth, before pressing their lips together.

Peace threaded through the blonde's thoughts at the contact. He raised his hands to clutch at the shirt, higher up, to hold the kiss for as long as he could. This was…this was…

_What I wanted…everything I wanted and dreamed and hoped for…sensei…sensei does care after all…_

Nii's hand wound, suddenly, tightly, around his neck. A deafening crash from the side alerted the two that the ceiling had begun to cave in. And breaking away from Nii's lips, Kami stared mournfully at the face he had long committed to memory. "Ne…sensei…tell me. Is there a god where I'm going…?"

The windows behind them began to crack, supports falling away around them in clouds of dust and rubble. Nii stared at the pale eyes for a long moment, ignoring the danger.

"Perhaps…there isn't. You will be the god where you're going."

Nii leaned forward, whispering something in Kami's ear.

And Kami smiled, through pain that was rapidly fading. The grip on his throat constricted, and he smiled a little, lips forming a last breathless word.

"Yokatta…"

_**Snap.**_

Nii released his hold as the blonde's form slumped forward like a rag doll. There was no emotion left on his face; there were no tears, only a silent stare as he removed the dead weight from his arms. Disentangling himself from the body, he positioned Kami-sama flat on his back, frowning, looking around the castle as he let go of the dead child-man's robes.

Like its inhabitant, it too was to disappear.

"Sayonara…Kami-sama…"

And with a shift of shadows on the wall; in a rainbow shower of stained-glass shards as the windows exploded inwards, he was gone.

* * *

"_Ne…sensei…tell me. Is there a god where I'm going?"_

"_Perhaps…there isn't. You will be the god where you're going."_

Somewhere darker and farther away, Nii Jien'i leaned back in his seat, arms folded behind his head. The stuffed bunny sat on his lap, peering curiously up at him from its position, as though watching and listening to his thoughts.

"Kami-sama…"

Like he had done with Koumyou, he supposed, he would get over it. But…**Kami**.

"_And when my time comes, I'll come to play with you again. Death is not the end…"_

"_Yokatta…"_

The frown on the scientist's face suddenly twisted, curving into a smile at a sudden thought.

"No, it's not the end. It is the start. Ne, Bunny-san?" Nii glanced down for affirmation.

The bunny smiled up at him.

In his mind, Kami-sama smiled as well.

* * *

A/N: Eh heh –scratches head- Whee? R&R please! Kudos to my beta Drac! 3 who i looove. 

_Drac: Beta...Kami...beta...Kami...damn it, Nii... -kicks fic away and snores-_


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